If I die tonight...

What if I die tonight...? Would anyone cry for me? Would anyone undress me, give me a bath and put suit on me? Would anyone pay a last visit for me? Would anyone come to my funeral and bid me goodbye for the last time? Would anyone come to attend my funeral mass and give their speech for me? Would anyone come and gives me flowers? Would anyone come and comfort my parents saying that everything is going to be alright? Would all of my family members come back from everywhere to take a final look at my face? Would you...be there?

What if I die tonight...? Would I cry myself? Would I see myself lying in the coffin made of wood and I cannot do a thing? Would I see people around me and they are deaf towards my words? Would I be reaching some places which I am not familiar with? Would I be meeting those whom had passed away? Would I be guarded for judgment? Would I be sentence for punishment? Would I...be sent to Hell?

What if I die tonight...? Who would be keeping my beloved computer? Would it be sold? Would it be re-formatted and all my stupid porns and pictures be deleted? How bout my baby My vi? Would mummy learn how to drive and drive it to work? What would happen to my sneakers? Who would wear the big size of 10/11? How bout my football jerseys and football shoes? Would it be ended up inside the rubbish bin cause no one in my family actually like football? How bout my shirts? Jeans? Would it be donated to the church? Would my brothers wear it? How bout all my favorite boxers? Nobody in my family wear boxer either? Were could it be ended up at? How bout all my other stuff?

What if I die tonight...? Would she cry for me? How long? How bad? After long, how would she be? Would she cry in the middle of the night and say she miss me? Would she ever go and watch people play football and grumble at the side? Would she request for all my attires and shoes to bring back to her own room and recall back all the time she saw me wearing all those? Would she be holding hand with another guy's hand walking into McD to order Sundae? Would I see that, and keep the jealousy only for myself? Would she keep all the pictures of us for a while and throw it away when the new boyfriend requested it to be burn, throw or destroy? Would she even remember the past memories of us? Years after my death, would she have a family with a guy that she love the most and raise a family with sons by the name of Sean, Ian, Ivan...and with family of the father's name added with a Jr at the back? Would she still be hanging out with all my buddies? Would she recall the bad times of her with me when she saw the mahjong's tiles, or snooker-Q? Would she remember me when she hear Wu Bai's song inside the new boyfriend's car? Would she remember the time if she visited Pop Wave again and sing all those songs which I ever sang before? Would she remember all those? Will she visit Permai again with the new boyfriend with her friends and bury the new guy as the same as she ever did to me? Would she forgets me?

What if I die tonight...?

There would be thousands of question I could ask if there's space...but shall be none of the question be answered, shall I hear nothing after the be going, shall I see nothing after the goodbye unsaid, I shall know exactly nothing...

In case of all those, people out there, please only bid goodbye at my grave, crave my smile not tears in your mind, forget the past, keep the sweets, live on, I am not your life, you shall go on without me by your side, I shall see you again somewhere else when its time...if only I die tonight...

People out there, live everyday like it is your last, do not do tomorrow what you can do today, do not live for regrets in the future when you can solve today, live your life to the fullest, keep yourselves happy, let the people around you brings only smile onto your face...cause, nobody knows, when they are bidding the final goodbyes...

Bidding everday
-Ivern Joaquin-