I never could ever bare the pain of losing HER...

Although the time is short, although everything seems happen so fast for us, but than, I already had fallen so deep inside, of loving you, I shall never could ever bare the pain of losing her, it is never, since I know, right after the day that we be together, I know, this is my destiny, this is my way of life, you are my life!

Although many odds are going in our way, we felt like, everything is going against, us, but I get down on my kneel, begging you...please bare with me, please stay with me and do not leave... because if you really do leave me, that would equalize to the demolishing of my life, the destruction of my life, every time when you tell me that you are upset of something which relate to our relationship, deep down inside, I really feel so bad, I cried deep inside, without tears on my eye...but there's blood leaking out.

I wanna live up my life ever since the moment that you say you wanna stay with me, ever since than, I know, nothing else shall matter for me, no matter how dark is the history, no matter how suffer and how painful it is, I know that is all some stupid past tense...all I care about is the present and future tense, all I care is you who is my present and future tense...

I shall take all the blame, mistakes and faults, please forgive me if I really had done something wrong...but, please do not say you do not love me, never...

Emo-ner
-Ivern Joaquin-

Lagging for once

Did not blog for some time, few days ago until now, suffering diarrhea because of food poisoning. Sorry everyone, okay, for this time, I am going to tell everyone basically, about what happen to me this few days. Send my father's car to the stupid service center for servicing, wait there for almost more than 4 hours, what make me more angry about the other day is, my girlfriend keep complaining about the weather, the condition, the test that is coming right after that, and almost everything, not complaining that she is noisy or what, but I am disappointed of myself for involving her into such bad situation. (sorry babe~ and you can put the blame on me...)

That is not the worst part of that day, after the car undergoing some checking, the staff over there gave me a figure what my bill will look like later...I was assuming some numbers around Rm300, or something like that, but this is what I got... RM800++ , for God's sake, I am not requesting my car to be turned into this...

not into optimus prime...

Since my father just gave me like, Rm500 something, so, I gotta call him up for back up since we lived quite far away from the service center. Finally, after some argument and cursing, my father send his friends to hand in extra cash~ fuhh~ luckily he did not ask me to pay first, ask me also no use, cause I'm always broke =(. than, the case for the turning the car into optimus prime already settle, now come the second case, since, it was already in the afternoon, me and my girlfriend had decided to get some food to eat so that we would not starve, but the problem is, the nearest kopitiam without crossing the road is like lotsa lotsa meters away, some more, the weather is so hot, until like, you can fried an egg on your head already. I am not worried about myself, I am more worried about my girlfriend, she would melt...she already hot enough, plus the weather... =P, okay, okay, cut the crap short, we manage to reach some food shop safely, still in original way...but sweaty. So, we ordered some food, I ordered some chicken rice and she ordered laksa, because I am way too hungry, I finish my food like barbarians without knowing the food is actually poisonous, so hungry until I ate her laksa as well...but than, that is the starting of the pain, that night, I start to feel some weirdness going inside me...I do not know what the hell happen...

Until the next day...I got up, with a lil stomachache, just a bit, I assumed that, it is normal since I always forgot to eat my meal on time, so I refreshed myself and get some food, take some normal Chinese's family meal and drove down to school, attended some classes and then went out with my girl and Aaron, driving around, and than, this is when the pain strike...I thought it was gastric, so I consumed so milk and choc which bought by my girl...it ease a bit, but not long after that, it came again... (after editing)...the pain last until now, I still suffer this stupid diarrhea...do not know when I am going to recover and do not know when I can go Sunny Hill and enjoy the ice-cream again since the other day, I only can see my girl and Aaron enjoying the ice-cream =(

Time of blogging this is around 1 o'clock in the morning, I am tired but insist to keep on writing, since I do not want to let Mr. Laziness to take over me. It is raining outside now...and I really miss my babe so much, I wish she can be here, lying beside me now...and fall asleep beside me...herm...but I know, that is not going to happen, not until many years later, or maybe not that far...hahah, alright, until the next time, peace and out

Diarrhea Sufferer:
-Ivan Joachim-

Physical Outlook...

Physical, definition by Oxford dictionary is, "connected with your body rather than your mind" let me highlight, the word body, body is the thing that people can see from the outside, what people can see with their naked eyes, what people sometimes judge you with, some might not agree...nor do I, but mostly people just judge someone else by their physical, the face, the body, the hair, the thing you wear, the thing you put on your body and everything which is related to your body...(ex: tattoo, piercing and so on). The other thing which had being such a sensitive issue for ages...the skin color. Before I really got into this topic of mine for now, I wanna shout to all those reading...I ain't trying to do any offense onto you guys, not at any kind of race, not at any kind of human you are or what ever mankind you are, I really do not trying to offend you all, because, I am offended, just in a softer way of offense...

First Case:

I went to meet my girlfriend’s mother the other day, for the very first time, I was with my semi-formal attire, tug in my shirt some more, man, when I look myself in the mirror, I just look like a salesman, well, its okay I think, because, I need to make a good impression for myself…well, at least, she know her daughter ain’t hanging out with any punks. I took off all my ear-rings, this is what I call sacrifice, anything for her, although I might risk to lose all the piercing I had on my right ear, but it is still okay for me, I still put myself into the risk, for love’s sake. Well, I try to walk the gentleman’s way…walk in, saw her grandma lying on the sofa, I greet her, saw the brother, I greet him, and sat down on the sofa, properly sat, “this ain’t me and I had never ever had this kind of experince~” but it is still okay, anything for my babe. Minutes passed by and the mother came out, “hi, aunty”, that was all which came out of my mouth, and I swear, I am really damn nervous at that time. But the mother did not talk to me, just smile and went back to the kitchen…I sat there and talked to the grandma, happen some misunderstanding on my surname, but it is still okay, since I know all this all folk’s way of listening and talking. But what crushed me is…my babe came to me a few moments after that laughing and tells me something, this is the conversation:

My babe: You know what mummy say just now?

Me: What?

My babe: Mummy ask me whether you are a (some other race) or not… (Giggle)

Me: What?! (deep down inside, it’s damn hurt)

My babe: Than I say no,

Me: Okay…

My babe: But mummy turns back to me after pausing for some time and asked again, “mix?”

That was the second head shot I got from that day…ending of the first case.

Second case:

After that incident, I gotta meet some of her friends, since a lot of people already tell me that I really look like some, bastard which only know how to mess up people’s life…I kept on hearing all this stupid news and rumors…even those unrelated crimes, they relate it to me as well, just because of what I look like? I felt, I had being treated so unfairly, so unfair, it is like, I had being blame for the blame which I had never done, which is so f*ck-up…alright, back to the case, after my babe told the friends about us, duh~ the friend said something like, “please lar, him ar?” it is like, I had being put out of list before I do anything, I was shot with M-16 that day, not one shot…it’s the whole magazine…

Well, you see, your physical outlook might not be really important for you, but think again, what does your look brings to others? What came in their mind at the very first place when they saw you? Could you ever figure that out? Should I wear some ear-rings? Should I walk like some models or Ah-Beng? Should I wear like some formal businessman or just plain t-shirt shit like that? Think again…your physical ain’t important for you, but it is for others…

Third case:

Until then, I was quite close with the family members, I mean like, I could go to the house and hang out there, without fearing anything, so, on last Saturday night, I was around in town with my girl, suddenly, the mother call us up and asked if I could send her back, well, mother in law wannabe, why not right? So, I asked my girl to tell the mother to wait and I’ll drive her back home. Pick up the mother and send her back (being nag for not wearing seat belt at that time, hahah!) after the mother got down from the car…something came in my mind, damn~ my ear-rings…I forgot to take it off…damn, I shot and commit suicide myself using revolver this time…2 piercing…2 shots…

This is not the ending of the story, no…no…few days after that, my babe, told me that, mummy indeed saw my ear-rings and she say I look gay-ish~ walao~! What an extravaganza word is that! Now this is some big cannon shot!

P/s: I had a lota wounds till then...but still survived...

Target Paper

-Ivan Joachim-

The Restart of everything...

Its being ages since I posted up anything inside here. Since I start blogging in friendster, I completely forget about my blogspot, that is why, it had being ages, but it is ok, since, I am going to start again, each and everything, each and every SINGLE thing...the restart of everything...

I am now, completely in love with someone...she is the one whom make me to blog again inside here...since I follow each and every single thing she say...I make a comeback, so...sorry for those readers which I had left behind for months, please do accept my apologies, I am really sorry and I really do not mean it. But for me, those does not matter at all, since I am back again with all those "stupid" writings, ok...before anything, I would like to say thanks a lot to my boo, she is the one who design my blog for me, since I am so lazy to do it...thanks also to everyone beside me, without you guys, my life would not be so interesting, and if my life are not that interesting overall...I would not be able to write anything inside here...love ya all~

And for those who view my blog, thank you very much for your support, I really hope that you guys could keep on reading non-stop, as long as I am still writing, I hope that you guys will keep on reading...bookmark me, and let me be the one whom makes your visit onto the internet not going to be as boring as it used to be, thanks and peace!

Restarter
-Ivern Joaquin-