I wanna treasure you...

The time now is, 5.51am in the morning, it was raining outside, it was cold, chilling and just nice to lie your head on your pillow and get some good sleep. just to describe how the situation is like right now.

But that is not the point, I was up doing my revision earlier on. Well, I am having my final exam right now. I gotta so some revision, I do not want to fail and waste my beloved father's money...he work hard and earned that money like he never does, and he did it for the family. Well, well...let me turned myself back first.

I stop my revision half way, I decided to take a break, a sip of my tea and clear my mind for a while, so I click on some on the blogs...I ended up here...

http://www.xanga.com/jiggleyCherrie

I read things inside, well, to my worst disappointment of the day, I read of something which make me feel bad, I would not want to talk about this. I know I should not, but well...I am still human...I am still being made by flesh, blood, and...feelings as well...I am jealous, like how much you do not like to talk about my ex-es, i do not like it the same way you do baby. I apologize that...

And what comes to worst, my mood of revising all the stuff that I missed, I threw away all my books and silently cried, I do not know why, I just do not like the read some phrase saying, "I miss you...babe" while I know it is not me...

It is complicated, I understand readers, but please keep on going, my words might going to change your way of thinking after this....

My whole mood crash yet I do not want to sms or call her and talk about it, cause I know, things would not work that way. So I just keep things to myself and be quiet...

Well, I did not sleep then, I keep on memorizing stuff that I read moments before that...I just could not sleep...I told myself, "its useless to stay like this" so I sat up and click on my mouse, the PPstream icon, I clicked on it, and I plan to watch some movies online until then.

I view on some movies on the list...and then, this movie came in, "Click" by Adam Sandler, I hope I got his name correct. well, my girl talks about this movie few days back, but I never really pay attention on it, since I cannot watch the movie with her until then. but now, it came out in the list, and it seems like, it is more interesting than other movie, so I click on it, wait for a few seconds and pop, the movie is ready to watch. So, i watch it, for readers which whom have not watch it, go and watch it, get some dvds or whatever, just go and get it.

I cannot really say or summarize the all movie out, but out of 10 stars, I gave it 9, well, not really much movie that gave tears on my eyes duh~

So, while watching the movie especially, when Michael Newman (Adam Sandler) and his wife (Kate B.) came on the husband and wife scene, my darling keeps on appearing in my mind...and its really really much, it just, KaBoom!!! hit me hard!!!

after finish watching the movie, I just completely have one kinda, new thinking going on in my mind. and the good part about it, it is a Positive kinda!!!

Here it goes, I wanna tell my dearest, beloved darling that, I love her, no matter what and no matter how, how stormy is the situation that we must go through in the future, I do not f**king care...I just do not care, what I care is, I just wanna be with you, until the end of time, until your breast drag the floor, your vagina gone loose, or whatever heck...I just do not care...all I want is your heart which beats every single moment and mind which every single second is thinking about me, that's all I need! I want to be with you every single second which I can for you, to hear your heart beat near to mine, to have your breast rest on my chest, I do not mean to sound lust...I just wanna show how much I love my baby. I just cannot imagine, just cannot think, what if one day, she left me, and gone with another guy (a scene in the movie whereby, the wife left Adam Sandler). I would do the same thing as he did in the movie, kick him in the groins...I would definitely do that...but well, that would not happen, cause I ain't leaving her nor making her to leave me...No, no...no...

like what I had said earlier on tonight baby...

Until Death do Us apart...

I wanna treasure you like I never treasure anyone before...I wanna hug you tight whenever I can, I wanna kiss your sweet reddish lips whenever I am around...and my love for u, its like a tree...it grows every single second...

besides that, I wanna thanks my family, especially my father and mother,

Pa, (although he might not be reading this)

I know I had not being a good son of yours, I might only know how to spend your hard earned money and not appreciating it...but in my heart, I always got you as my support, mentally and physically...and you are the best I got, whenever I am down, I always got your words with me, "no matter what you are deciding for your life, daddy always will support you". thanks, pa...

Mummy,

I know, its hard to give the birth to me, although, I might be the lightest among all my brothers, but it still hurts, I know...and last time, after the accident which make my head with some bad injuries, some family members said that I might not be a 'smart' guy when I grew up...but you never listen to them and still raised me like a precious...and I am proud of you, I grew up and be a big guy with some good results in school, I do not disappoint you overall...I cried badly thinking about it, even now writing it...
I cannot express anything out...I just love you mom... I really do...

and now...I know...how important, my baby, and my family is to me, they are my support, my root, my everything, and simply...they are my life...thanks~

Showing love
-Ivan Joachim

Made for her, only Her...

The sweetest murderer which took away my life,
The most loving stealer which stole my heart,

Shall not, I wanted this sweet and sour time to end,
Because I wanted you to be the marking of the end of my relationship,
The marking of the beginning of the end,
I might be the one which not understand you much,
Might be sensitive when needed not,
Might be fool in using words and expressing myself,

Because I am too stupid,
Idiot, fool...cause I had been blinded of you,
I shall not know what is my priority in life,
I shall not make a list of what to wish,
Cause you and your name, crowned the place, and eternally will,

If I could, dig out my heart and show you,
To prove that, you are the one causes it to beats every second,
To show that, without you, I can't even breathe a gasp of air,
Can't even eat a piece of food, not even a droplet of water,

Although in a very short time, you had conquer my all,
Every inch of this heart, every line of my vines,
My all is your all...loose you, just simply means,
THE END...of everything.

Babe~ I apologize on what I had done...
Apologize on what I had said,
Apologize on every single sins I had committed,
Every pain that I had cut...

I really do not mean it...I am sorry, but...

I LOVE YOU

Frustrated Nights...

It had been so many nights since I stay awake, including tonight, I just cannot sleep, I seriously, do not know why...

leaving me with this

-eye of the sleepless night-

To be really really honest, it is damn tiring, you have no attention at all, when you are having class, you simply cannot understand what the heck the lecturer is talking about, you just cannot catch the point, second, you do not have the mood to do anything, you just felt like, you wanna leave everything down and rest, but the thing is like, you just cannot sleep, that is what so fuck up about it...

But I found out something...

Whenever I am around here...I can rest completely with nothing as burden inside my head or my shoulder, I just felt that, nothing shall bother me...I swear, I would not...regret if I die lying beside her, while I am asleep...

She is just like my...comforter...I feel comfortable, whenever, I am around her, (yah rite! what a good reason to sleep in class...LoL)

tonight is another sleepless night like I mention just now, I try to sleep, but I just cannot stop my brain from keep on working...

my modem cannot work just now, damn boring, sit, watch some video that I last time downloaded, sms with my babe, and than, until I ask her to sleep... saying, I would sleep together with her, but in the end, I turn on my light and stay... sorry for lying, but I do not really mean it, I want to sleep...but I cant... so I guess, I am trying to say, I wanna sleep with you... :P

As I stay awake late at night,

I imagine your body lie on my bed,
When I lie down to hug it,
You were not there, no nowhere to be found,
Guess, I use to much of my imagination,

I like to see you asleep,
Although you might just conquer the whole bed,
But I do not mind at all,
Sacrifice anything here, to satisfied everything there

When I stay up late at night,
I wonder a lot of thing inside my mind,
I have millions of thoughts,
And each and every of those,
Contains your name and your face,

Because of you, I exist,
Because of you, I stay alive, breathing,
Because of you, I live another day to love,
Because of you, I put down my pride,
Because of you, I put aside myself,
and put you as my priority...

Because I know...I'll never be perfect anymore
and thinking about it...if life without you
as I stay awake at night...

I need her more than anyone does
-Ivan Joachim-

I never could ever bare the pain of losing HER...

Although the time is short, although everything seems happen so fast for us, but than, I already had fallen so deep inside, of loving you, I shall never could ever bare the pain of losing her, it is never, since I know, right after the day that we be together, I know, this is my destiny, this is my way of life, you are my life!

Although many odds are going in our way, we felt like, everything is going against, us, but I get down on my kneel, begging you...please bare with me, please stay with me and do not leave... because if you really do leave me, that would equalize to the demolishing of my life, the destruction of my life, every time when you tell me that you are upset of something which relate to our relationship, deep down inside, I really feel so bad, I cried deep inside, without tears on my eye...but there's blood leaking out.

I wanna live up my life ever since the moment that you say you wanna stay with me, ever since than, I know, nothing else shall matter for me, no matter how dark is the history, no matter how suffer and how painful it is, I know that is all some stupid past tense...all I care about is the present and future tense, all I care is you who is my present and future tense...

I shall take all the blame, mistakes and faults, please forgive me if I really had done something wrong...but, please do not say you do not love me, never...

Emo-ner
-Ivern Joaquin-